Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.