I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
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Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
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It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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