so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.