My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise