There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
no you cant smoke seaweed
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.