Texts From Last Night

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  (925): View more from California

  Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.

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  (925): Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back. http://tfl.nu/vsft
  Replies (22) Good night (673) Bad night (1450)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..

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  (412): My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list.. http://tfl.nu/7bvi
  Replies (43) Good night (1023) Bad night (8460)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.

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  (847): Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator. http://tfl.nu/lq0c
  Replies (31) Good night (9000) Bad night (1636)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife

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  (306): Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife http://tfl.nu/6k5s
  Replies (15) Good night (1112) Bad night (7023)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.

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  (801): Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body. http://tfl.nu/oco3
  Replies (4) Good night (939) Bad night (2664)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens

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  (407): I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens http://tfl.nu/da7z
  Replies (5) Good night (3751) Bad night (935)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water

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  (405): You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water http://tfl.nu/d1ur
  Replies (5) Good night (1621) Bad night (682)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us 

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  (941): I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us  http://tfl.nu/54ii
  Replies (2) Good night (1305) Bad night (448)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"

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  (843): Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty" http://tfl.nu/jvva
  Replies (1) Good night (1406) Bad night (414)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing

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  (907): I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing http://tfl.nu/5qyn
  Replies (11) Good night (955) Bad night (492)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club

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  (727): I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club http://tfl.nu/x5dg
  Replies (5) Good night (785) Bad night (257)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.

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  (801): I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing. http://tfl.nu/eqqj
  Replies (1) Good night (649) Bad night (328)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE

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  (785): SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE http://tfl.nu/zmng
  Replies (1) Good night (467) Bad night (349)
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  (562): View more from California

  I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell

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  (562): I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell http://tfl.nu/v6x7
  Replies (0) Good night (246) Bad night (424)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.

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  (617): She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil. http://tfl.nu/6r35
  Replies (4) Good night (539) Bad night (268)

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