Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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