This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
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I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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