Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
