Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
