how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
