At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize