THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
