I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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