Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
