I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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