Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
