The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
