The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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