the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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