yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
