I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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