sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
