My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
