well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
