he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
