I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
