Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
