just tell him i said nine months
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
