I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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