dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You're like the curious george of whores
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
