I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize