I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize