What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
