Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
