im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
