and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
