Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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