I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize