Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
