Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize