Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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