I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
