i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
