The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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