Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed