the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
