i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Are my feet made of real feet?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
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Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
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I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.