my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
