dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
All the doctor said was why
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
