Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.