he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
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He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.