guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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