he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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