Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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