so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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