don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
