why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
