My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
