i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
