i just wanna soil my oats bro
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
