Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
