walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
