so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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