you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
