Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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