yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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