Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
