Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The power of my boobs compel you
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
