where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
