Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
