I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
