direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
