there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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