Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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