There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
