Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
