i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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