TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
