should my penis look like a turkey
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
