wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
