girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My day in three words: secret purse cake
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
