toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
